shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
