Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
