how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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