some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
