She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
