I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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