Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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