So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
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I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize