She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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