she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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