I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
