I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
this hospital has no fireball
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
