What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just blew my weed a kiss
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
