so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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