he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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