Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
