party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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