I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
