Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
