I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
