So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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