I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
