those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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