i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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