That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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