Can Purell be used as lube?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
