Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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