Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
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i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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