okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
