i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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