those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
