You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
