he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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