my mouth tastes like poor choices
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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