if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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