I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
