You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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