Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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