If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
