Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
