yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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