I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
