I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
