She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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