You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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