I puked a lego.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
