you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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