I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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