Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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