Ambien. No doubt about it.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
