He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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