Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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