You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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