She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
