I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
