Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
