it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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