fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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