I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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