someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
