He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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