Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
