I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
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So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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