$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
