He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You pole danced in your parka.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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